2015 - the year of love (self love at least)

Well, I can certainly say this year is its fill of ups and down. But despite all my trauma from my past and the root reasons of certain conclusions in my life (aka failures), I will say I am blessed to be given love and be surrounded by the right people who have helped me to my recovery of self spiritually and emotionally.

 I can't really share much about my personal life in detail online, but I can only give this bit of advice: When you search within yourself and accept all flaws as a potential to change and love all that is you, you will find wisdom. You will realize that negative things never last but can be a start to something better. As they say, one door might close, but another door will open. It just takes time to heal from the pain and little baby steps to travel before you can see that door. I hope that I can keep on walking and learning. I know that life will always humble me and I will rise up for the better. And I also know that now is called the present because this is the only time you can control, embrace it, enjoy it and live it. Because every minute counts.

Do not let what people do or say to you define you. They are probably struggling inside as well but your journey is yours and yours only. Their problems are not yours to solve and it is theirs to learn from as much as your problems are lessons only you can learn. Trust in your heart and gut. If they are telling you something, it is a good time to listen because they are the true you and they are intuitive. It doesn't means to act re-actively, but to listen. If it is something that is bad, understand that you are human and you are bound to have flaws. But you can learn from these flaws, by replacing them with something positive. Negative things gives an opportunity for positivity. It is from there, we can learn to have self love and have a better understanding of ourselves. I hope I can maintain a life-long learning and keep a open mind.

 I have learned unconditional love from our dear father and Mary above and couldn't be more grateful to Jesus who have suffered for us. That god has love us no matter what our decisions are and the rules he has set up for us is for our own good. I am blessed. It is pretty me me me me in this blog, but that is what it is about, recounting our experience. I am myself today and glad that god preserve that little girl inside me with so much love. I am blessed that I am able to learn to embrace her too and tell her the worse time of her being alone is over, because I am here now to walk with her, to love her unconditionally and understand my own humanity.

 I am blessed to be given resources and being able to afford them so that I can walk more freely, embrace my own journey and face everyday with a different mindset. I hope I can maintain my positivity for life and I think I will. I believe I will. So even when bad times hit me, the little good things will save me and then embracing the change for something better to come.

 For any of you who is reading this, I am just a normal girl. My achievements are not much but I am no better or worse than the most successful person in the world. We are just all different with different walkways of life. I hope that this post can give you hope that just because right now, there is no proof of how much you have done, it will show eventually as you keep working on the things you wish to do. You will learn from your failures, and then you will learn how to improve and you might even enjoy the journey. The highpoint might be for a moment but your footprints last forever in you. So to myself and anyone (who actually reads this blog), don't stop dreaming, don't stop living, have faith in the future and maybe one day it will make sense and might be your shining moment.

 This is one resource that have helped me tremendously, and if you are interested, http://www.psycare.com.sg/retreat_7days.html

 Love, me =)

2013 and ongoing

I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote in this blog. I guess I just moved on in my life. =). But anyway,after reading all the old posts, it is a little awkward and funny at the same time. Yes, I am still growing and I still do have many many things to learn. I would write down what I am doing with my life now but I do not want to jinx it yet. So I will probably update at the end of the year. Anyway, I guess I have been through ups and downs in life and this blog probably have it all. You know, it is great to read all these old memories down and actually, there are some reminders to why I am here today. Well, I amm not going to be writing longer because I have some things to do. But it is certainly great to be reading this blog again Lols!!! Maybe in a few years time, this entry will seem a little kiddy just like my previous entries. I am glad there is a record though. Well, gotta go! Cheers!

Moving cobwebs aside

heya! yes.... it's a lonnnnnnnng looong time since i updated. But truthfully, there is a lot of things happening. Like me considering overseas, deciding what i want out of life and how my career can push me there.

There is also the lesson of failure and that i guess it is not something to be ashamed of but it is something that is excruciating, heartbreaking and many times, weary. But from the lesson itself, it is time to learn and move on. And then, i think i have been comparing myself from the past. In fact, actually it is Now to move on.

I see many flaws within me that I refused to admit but i think i really should. Like how i anxious and excited I can be when handling people or leading people. Like my words can seem sharp and threatening that cause people to be hurt and how I always take the easy way out. Perhaps I should look more into my self and people's reaction and behavior towards me instead of reading their character.

I want to expose myself more to things i never done before and I want to learn. But first i have to figure out what do I exactly want in life. but anyways, yeah. Maybe I should do a lot more self reflection. hahaha!

Frustration

I can't help but feel frustrated. The person in charge told me that only when the school accept me then I can get a scholarship but if that's the case, that means I will have to take A levels or do 2 years of working. Both I do not wish to waste my efforts on and both I do not agree.

There must be some f***ing way to get through this. I just need to find it. And I will keep finding what I need to do. Sighhh....

Anyway, today was fun. I learnt a lot of things like how to support a person when he is standing up and about the observations of the people. Which makes me more thrilled to do this myself. I want it badly. But like they say, what do I need to sacrifice for it? and the importance of the sacrifice.

Sigh... so from tommorow onwards, I am going to find out what I need to do and keep looking for ways.

There must be a way!!!

2nd day of internship

I had fun for the past 2 days. I actually worked in a cardio section where I get to learn the methods and ways to get people to mobilize themselves in bed and how to make them feel better.

I also had to see gross stuff like phlegm and poop. >.<

But anyway, I find that I am not as emotional as last time where I will weep each time I see a patient. Right now, it is to do what I can and what procedure that I have to undertake.

I also found the many challenges into entering into physiotherapy. I have to lern chemistry and maths and science T.T. And also, the difficulty into entering physiotherapy in Nanyang Polytechnic. >.<

But never mind, I need to find ways NOW!! so that will be my clutter for next week. RAHHH!! will be pushing hard to find!

Tmw I will be in cardio (chest) section again and thurs and fri will be in auto (bones) section. =D Cannot wait! FUN!

=DD

God bless!

A reminder

Heya! welcome to the revived blog! hahaha! i haven't update for so long.

Ok! so long story short. I actually attended a workshop called "The Courage To Create" and after that I started having classes about making courage.

And so this entry is to remind myself the reason why I started wanting to learn physiotherapy.

It started 2 days before the TCC workshop started, I had Nafa test which is quite fun becuase it is not so strict. We had our shuttle run and suddenly one girl fell down. Turned out that she had a permanent injury from before. So i went to help her.

While helping her to sit down and checking her knee, i realized her knee was sprained so I could not massage it. But then after a while, her ankle was starting to ache and I helped her massage her ankle.

And somehow within me, I found a deep unexplainable joy. And it comes from doing massage. I had always wanted to relieved people from stress and when they are, I felt happy. The thing is I am not a psychology person, so I do not really want to take that career up. It's too emotional and draining for me.

But i thought, if one day i can help a person stand up on her own 2 feet, wouldn't it be great?

On the first day of my making courage class, It drawn on me that I did not take massage as a career because it is just too hard for me to take or I thought there is no road. But there is and I found one.

Physiotherapy is a way that I want to take because that way not only do I learn massage, I help to give the other people hope that they can do things beyond their physical limitations and because I want to stretch towards that direction.

Physiotherapy is a vehicle that I can take and use but I do not have to be stuck with it forever. It is a tool. Mainly, I want to massage. And so I will.

There are many times I keep asking myself why do I want to take this step. This is the reason why. And I am going to stand fast against it. Because it is what I want to do.

Btw, I got myself my very first part time job-- a piano teacher! =D

Step by step!

God bless!

sighhhh

If grammar and vocabulary allow me to use the language with free flowing heart,
i will let loose the clamour that kept stuck in my throat, heart and mind,
and fill this very background with the blackness of my dark expressions.

expressing suppressed emotions

yeah yeah! long time no see! I know! I just thought that maybe ITP shouldn't be written down since it's gonna be stressful and it took away my holidays.

hmmm.... ok guys, sorry if i sound emo but it really took out a lot on me. It really really was an emotional roller coaster for me. Sometimes I have my run down days and sometimes I have terrific days. Nonetheless, everytime i go home, my heart seems to be not satisfied somewhat and it felt suppressed.

I know that people will feel frustrated or horrible after a day of work (which sometimes have horrible results). This will probably be the first time it ever come across such a situation that everytime i am alone, swear words will come out and my teeth will start grinding. And i will never allow myself to vent my feelings out to anyone if it' gonna hurt them. but it happens once anyway which is bad enough.

I am tired, really really tired.

I still learn a lot though. Who says that waking up is gonna be pleasant? Everytime when one wakes up, he or she will suddenly become aware of another path. The thing is this. when do you go back down the sane path and when do you choose another path to go? Does that means running away? Or does that means trying out another way?

Will I ever face myself with the kind of person I am now and what should i do? There is no more ise askng "when?". Because once the person ever ask when, she will wait the moment to come. It just doesn't work anymore to wait for the right moment. The moment is when she choose to change, choose to stand and choose to push herself.

I am not pushing myself, I am not making myself stand. I am just relying on others to help me stand.

I am not going to do that anymore. I am not going to sit around and be waited.anymore. More than ever, I want to become a reliable person.

I want, I should, I shall