it's the 100 posts and my heart cries... what irony

It's the 100th post and i can't really bring myself to smile truly.

You want to know why i don't want to do self-pity and wallow about the matter? Cuz self pity makes you give excuses so that you don't have to do things. And truly, it sucks.

It jus hurts you know. It just really hurt and it's biting me quietly but painfully. I ignored it, and so I wanted to move on.

No matter how much I smile, or laugh, it hurts deep inside. And i can't cry. Esp not in front of the people concerned about me. I am fine, just hurting.

I feel tired and sick of everything. To be honest, I am just running away from everything. I just want to. But i can't. I am running away from so many things now and my mind told me to just give me one week.

But that's jus excuses to get away from things. It's just... i don't know what to say. Jus because sth bad happen to me, doesn't me, I neglect all responsibilities i have right? The emotion really sux. I still feel hurt. i really miss him, but if i write that aloud, it will only hurt him. I don't want that.
.
But I will move on, I will stand up on my feet again. I have to and want to. It's time to discover myself. Now, i have to find a way to get rid of this lingering emotion. Too long and it's going to become pathetic.

God bless^^.
Take care^^!

* this is jus to write about my emotions, i hope not to discuss it and for it not to be brought up*