Friday, April 17, 2009

expressing suppressed emotions

yeah yeah! long time no see! I know! I just thought that maybe ITP shouldn't be written down since it's gonna be stressful and it took away my holidays.

hmmm.... ok guys, sorry if i sound emo but it really took out a lot on me. It really really was an emotional roller coaster for me. Sometimes I have my run down days and sometimes I have terrific days. Nonetheless, everytime i go home, my heart seems to be not satisfied somewhat and it felt suppressed.

I know that people will feel frustrated or horrible after a day of work (which sometimes have horrible results). This will probably be the first time it ever come across such a situation that everytime i am alone, swear words will come out and my teeth will start grinding. And i will never allow myself to vent my feelings out to anyone if it' gonna hurt them. but it happens once anyway which is bad enough.

I am tired, really really tired.

I still learn a lot though. Who says that waking up is gonna be pleasant? Everytime when one wakes up, he or she will suddenly become aware of another path. The thing is this. when do you go back down the sane path and when do you choose another path to go? Does that means running away? Or does that means trying out another way?

Will I ever face myself with the kind of person I am now and what should i do? There is no more ise askng "when?". Because once the person ever ask when, she will wait the moment to come. It just doesn't work anymore to wait for the right moment. The moment is when she choose to change, choose to stand and choose to push herself.

I am not pushing myself, I am not making myself stand. I am just relying on others to help me stand.

I am not going to do that anymore. I am not going to sit around and be waited.anymore. More than ever, I want to become a reliable person.

I want, I should, I shall

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